I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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