your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
