My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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