1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
