Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
