he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
