why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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