Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
