I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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