Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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