Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I am midnight drunk by noon
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
