Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
