make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
