when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
