I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
