Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
