Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
