I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
