I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
