She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
