Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
