if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
