We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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