I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
