I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
