She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize