I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
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