called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
