the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Randomize
