I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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