Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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