OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I could fuck to npr.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
