I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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