I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
