I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
