From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
