Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
