Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
