I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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