No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
