In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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