I have demons in me.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
