i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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