I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
