Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
