You really coming over, don't trick.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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