She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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