ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
