Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
