my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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