I think my fart just growled at me.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
