I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
