it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
