This is not my ceiling
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
