Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
