I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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