Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
