So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
