How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
