I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize