Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
