fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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