I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
