Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Just invented taco cereal.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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