and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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