my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
