next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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