How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
