I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
