ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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