omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Randomize
