Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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