I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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