this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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