Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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