Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
